Return of the Killer Fish (and Other 'Wildlife' Tales)

Ah warning: the following isn't for people who are a) easily scared and/or b) in possession of a weak stomach. Don't say we didn't warn you. This is a post that may just give you nightmares. But we, being FIScHism, felt we just had to update you on the following:

Mags: eek
Mags: This is awful
Leonie: NOOOO!
Leonie: return of the snakehead fish!
Mags: thousands of them?
*Mags shudders*
Leonie: oh god
Leonie: oh god oh god oh god
Leonie: they freak me out
Leonie: their... eyes
Leonie: and their... teeth!
Leonie: if you need to go into hiding here that's OK
Leonie: just know that I'm taking the highest spot in my room
Mags: heh
Leonie: I know they can walk and survive outside of the water, but I bet ya they can't jump or fly
Mags: just keep your public waterways safe
Leonie: oh man
Mags: this whole thing started by two being put into a pond
Leonie: so basically... these things can survive in your waters so well that there's thousands of brothers and sisters now?
Leonie: I'm not even going to go into the incest side of things
Mags: well
Mags: more might have been added
Mags: there was one known release
Mags: but there could be a ton more unknown ones
Leonie: for the love of all that is holy - which psychopath releases these... hannibal fish into public water?
Leonie: I don't understand
Leonie: that would almost qualify as manslaughter
Mags: heh
Mags: pretty much
Leonie: oh man - I'm already scared of swimming into fish when I swim in anything other than a pool
Leonie: but this is it
Leonie: no more lakes or rivers for me
Leonie: God forbid I have one of those bitches hanging from my toe
Leonie: what toe? foot!
Leonie: my toe will be long gone by the time the pain has reached my brain
Leonie: and that has nothing to do with the speed of my brain
Mags: aww

Moving on to less wild but nevertheless freaky wildlife:

Mags: Maddie's best friend Lauren
Mags: had a pet snake
Mags: a small python
Leonie: charming
Mags: and it gets out of its cage
Mags: and one day
Mags: it escaped
Leonie: and ate one of the neighbour kids?
Mags: and Lauren had assumed it had gotten out of the apartment because she'd left the patio door open
Mags: until two weeks later
Mags: when something starts to smell rather funny
Leonie: the thing died?!
Mags: she follows the smell to the stove/oven and can tell it's coming from there
Mags: she had to pull the oven away from the wall
Leonie: she cooked her snake?!
Mags: but it had slithered behind it and gotten next to some coils or wiring
Mags: it was totally dead
Mags: and partially cooked
Leonie: oh my god
Leonie: that is disgusting
Leonie: excuse me while I vo-...
Mags: yeah, it totally is
Mags: heh
*Leonie loves Liam throws up*

Recovering from the sudden stomach acid attack, let's take about more pleasant things. Like Australia's wildlife.

Mags: If I go to Australia, I'm staying inside
Leonie: fuck no
Leonie: I'm staying on top of the house, well clear of trees
Mags: airtight
Leonie: have you SEEN those spiders?
Mags: where the spiders can't get me either
Mags: heh
Leonie: I mean... sure, Liam's dog catches them
Mags: heh
Leonie: you just yell "SKITCH BAILEY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SKITCH!"
Leonie: and he'll grab it
Mags: heh

I present to you, the ever cautious, fearless Spider Killer Rank I, Bailey.

Mags: there is a startling amount of animals there that can kill you
Mags: it's insane
Leonie: yes
Leonie: Liam has been bitten by a spider that *can* make you violently ill for days
Leonie: in his BED
Mags: um
Mags: yikes
Leonie: yes
Mags: heh
Mags: if I were him, I wouldn't tell you this stuff
Mags: I'd be afraid it's scare you off
Leonie: so basically, he can check my bed every night before I get in
Mags: heh
Leonie: and I'm only wearing flip flops so no spiders can hide in them
Leonie: and I'm taking Bailey with me wherever I go
Mags: awesome
Leonie: they have to check their POOL for spiders
Leonie: wtf? that's insane
Leonie: aren't we safe ANYWHERE?


For readers interested in the wonderful Hannibal Fish (more commonly known as the Snakehead), please visit Mags' excellent blog here. Click at your own risk. If you are under 18, get up from this chair and go and consult your parents. You probably shouldn't be reading this, and they will find out anyway. Best to turn yourself in now, with lots of puppy eye action, rather than never seeing the interweb again. Tis worse than porn.